


gonna stab your kissy heart

by schwarzesloch



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Drabble, Drabble Collection, M/M, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-11 01:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2047107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schwarzesloch/pseuds/schwarzesloch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[[ON hiatus, because of Uni.]]</p><p>A collection of my Eruri song-inspired drabbles. Some will be angsty, others fluffy, it basically depends on the mood (and the song). Basically I put iTunes on shuffle and I wrote a drabble inspired by the song playing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fickle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi was a great asset to humanity’s triumph over the titans, but he was the worst man to take care of Erwin’s heart.
> 
> \----  
> First drabble from my Eruri drabble collection. This one was inspired by Mumford and Sons' "Awaky My Soul." Enjoy! c:

_**"** Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all_  
 _But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall **"**_

 

Levi was a great asset to humanity’s triumph over the titans, but he was the worst man to take care of someone’s heart.

It had been inevitable, though; a few glances, a chase, humiliation, a deal; and he was surrendered to the prisoner’s cold glare, like someone who just gave up any hope they had to not fall in love.

Levi was actually the worst, Erwin wondered, _no, he was sure_ , because every time Levi looked his way, every time he swore lies of love and peace, he broke Erwin's heart a little each time, just a tiny crack, but one that grew overtime. Levi was a constant reminder of the dirt and bad and evil in the world that expected them outside those walls; and also the good, the hope, the freedom. The man was a stark contrast that Erwin held on to. Without him to fight by his side, without him to share dreams of hope and freedom and peace, Erwin knew he was lost.

He knew also that being in love with the man made his life all the more unstable, his heart the more quivering and desperate for love, just some love, but.

Levi had promised him, yeah, but he sensed the lies in his voice like he couldn’t with anyone else.

He knew that Levi promised many things, many memories, many feelings to Erwin; but Erwin realized that when it came to them both, Levi wasn’t the best person to fulfill them. Levi was a great asset to humanity’s triumph over the titans, but he was the worst man to take care of Erwin’s heart.


	2. Break Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You hand someone you love a gun, hoping they won’t shoot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short eruri drabble inspired by The Jesus and Mary Chain's "Break Me Down."  
> If someone wants to beta-read it for me I'd be really glad! Reviews and kudos are very much appreciated :)

****

**_Break me down – The Jesus and Mary Chain_ **

_And I know what it takes to break a man completely_ __  
And I know about the taste of pain  
And now it's burning through me  
And I know  
And I see  
And I know what it takes to break a man

 

 

         Turning left he’s met with an empty bed.

 

         Shit, he mutters, as he gets up slowly, makes his way to the office, cold feet stumping on the hard wooden floor, all tiny bit of hope (hope of what? ”Hope of not actually doing it”, he thinks to himself) dripping from his heart as he turns the doorway completely and finds Erwin in his office, reading through some papers, as usual. The unusual is that’s 5 am on a week day and. Maybe he shoud be resting is the thought that moved Levi out the bed in the first place, and then he thinks, shit, when did I start caring so much.

 

         Erwin reads, undistracted by the noise of the floor that cracks beneath Levi’s feet, and Levi looks, stares on, like he won’t survive if he turns his gaze away. Erwin’s hair falls in small strands around his face, framing his forehead and reaching his hears; untucked behind his ears, too blonde, slightly disheveled: Levi thinks it looks like flowing gold. The commander's eyes are turned down, absently reading over the lines he’s tried to read about five times before but still can’t understand, irises shinning with a small glint in the dusk light, too much like the color of the blue sky creeping behind the window. The light is on, yellowish gold softening the commander’s focused features. Levi thinks of going in; he stops, because he shouldn’t care this much. Maybe coming here was already a mistake. Scratch that, it was a total mistake.

 

         Erwin has that thing that Levi can’t understand, the thing that makes him trust and believe him instantly, like he agrees with whatever Erwin decides it’s better even before the commander says it. The grip on him is too tight, but Levi’s fine with that, because, perhaps unconsciously, he did give the man that power, the will and approval to break him down to little pieces and put him back together whenever he wanted too. Levi realizes he’s never felt so miserable, so fucking vulnerable in his life as he does when he’s in Erwin’s presence. But.

 

         You hand someone you love a gun, hoping they won’t shoot. Levi knows that until now he has already placed the gun in the commander’s hand, and the indecision is driving him crazy, so he decides to hold on to what he knows it’s true, that Erwin has hold on _too much_ of him, and if he can, he can break him, and Levi would let him because he’s sure he loves the man too much, maybe surer than he is of his own life.


	3. Put your hand where it's safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t pat Levi on the back; instead he simply followed him outside, slowly taking the lead of their silent walk. Carefully picking out his words, Erwin starts, “Protect what’s dearest to you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for not updating earlier. I'm attending a wedding this weekend and, in the craze of trying to find clothes that fit, I completely forgot about posting. But here it is, eheh, fear not! This probably isn't my best drabble yet (or is it?? Idk), but I still hope you enjoy. :3  
> The song is Glass, by Joy Division.

_Hearts fail, young hearts fail_

_Anytime, wearing down_  
On the run, underground   
Put your hand where it's safe   
Leave your hand where it's safe   
Do it again   
Do it again and again and again

 

“Protect what’s dearest to you”, he tells them all, feeling old all of a sudden. “Protect it, because after all this is over, that will be all you have left to hold on to”, as he speaks, his eyes dart imperceptibly towards Erwin, who’s a few rows back, staring at him intently, urging him to go on. He knows, better than anyone else, how important these words are for Levi.

The speech ends with the Captain’s words echoing in the trainees and some of the veteran’s minds; well, shit like this could really touch a man’s heart, despite how cold and cruel he appeared to be.

He didn’t pat Levi on the back; instead he simply followed him outside, slowly taking the lead of their silent walk. Carefully picking out his words, Erwin starts, “Protect what’s dearest to you”.

Levi looks at him from the corner of his eye. “What?”

Erwin doesn’t answer, but it’s alright because Levi knows what he meant. He doesn’t need to hear anything else. He doesn’t say more, because he’s sure Erwin knows he understood. Saying it aloud might just ruin it, so he gulps down the words and walks away, his heart a little heavier in his chest.


	4. That day we walked a little deeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can only promise so much as the next day, sometimes not even that.  
> (I wrote this drabble listening to "The Woods" by Stars. You should listen to it!)

**"The Woods - Stars"**   
  


That day we walked a little deeper  
Breathless and too alive to sleep

 

Erwin feels it in his blood, in his bones – they don’t have much time.

 

It wasn’t worth it before, for any of them. They stare at each other through hooded eyes, guarded expression, because they don’t dare risk any more; they might just lose themselves. That’s okay though, because it works: this thing works. That’s all Erwin could ask for.

 

It’s more night than day, stolen glances and hidden smiles, hidden meaning behind half words so common for everyone else but so special to the both of them (“you too”, “this time, I will trust you”), and Erwin knows it doesn’t matter if they’re talking about the battlefield, or their lives, but he knows that whenever, wherever, that’s the only thing Levi can promise him, in such a grim world as theirs. He can only promise so much as the next day, sometimes not even that, but for now.

 

For now this works, and he won’t try to change that.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, this was my first attempt at a SnK fic (/drabble, wtv) ever! One night I had nothing better to do and put iTunes on shuffle. Then this kinda happened.  
> I don't really know how song challenges work, so I hope I got it right. I really enjoyed writing this and I have more drabbles waiting to be published. If you want me to keep publishing leave me some kudos. It definitely helps speeding the creative process c:


End file.
